Thoughts about living very far away from rest of my family


Hello! My two parents and two younger sisters all live fairly close to one another in NJ, United States. I live in Texas. It has always made me sad that I am so far away. For the past 25 years since I’ve been living in TX, I have remained close with them via phone, sharing photos and recently we have a weekly family zoom.

I live alone. This weekend they were all together visiting with my cousin and her baby. I saw the photos via Tinybeans, and they looked like they were having such a great visit. I really love all of these people, and unlike many families, ours genuinely likes spending time with one another and I know especially my parents always want to tell me all the news so that I feel a part of things despite the fact that I am so rarely there.

Today looking at the photos, I felt very sad and lonely. I see that using thought work skillfully, I could potentially change not only my thoughts, but also my feelings and actions around this situation of being so far from them and missing out on so much. Here are some models:

C: I live 1500 miles away from my parents, two sisters and other extended family. I see them in person rarely. There are numerous family gatherings and event throughout the year where they tell me I am missed and which I am not a part of.
T: I have missed out on a huge part of their lives.
F: Invisible.
A: Dwell in feelings of self-pity, stay in bed late, miss the weekly family zoom call, feel angry, hopeless, sad, dwell in those feelings and use them as excuse to buffer and procrastinate on things I could be doing and enjoying, miss going to church and connecting with people who like and care about me, don’t pursue my hobbies, don’t reach out to make new friends, even when I meet someone I think I would enjoy getting to know, “hide away,” indulge in emotions, blame myself for this situation, don’t reach out to them at all.
R: By choosing the thought I am missing out on a huge part of their lives, I miss out on a huge part of my own life.

Potential alternative thoughts:
T: I accept the fact that we live so far apart and believe that there is a reason for everything, and my job is to make the best of it.
T: My worth and value as a human being doesn’t depend on whether I am geographically close to my family.
T: I don’t need to spend time physically with my family in order to feel seen, heard and loved.
T: My path is different, and that is neutral, not a bad thing.
T: Everyone has a unique calling and mine might be very different from my other family members.
T: I was made exactly for the life I am living, even without the support and frequent interaction with my family.
T: As Brooke has said, “my thoughts are what create my relationships more than anything.” Distance doesn’t have to determine my sense of relationship with them.

Thanks in advance for your insight and suggestions! I want to get out of the automatic sadness and self-pity as I can see they are “indulgent emotions” and they don’t serve me or help me. Anything you might offer is greatly appreciated!