Thoughts About "We may not be right for each other anymore?"


Having a difficult day. My boyfriend is upset and angry with me for a variety of reasons. Last night I asked him what he wanted to do with his human life. I had just completed the human life manifesto and I was super excited about it. I would have loved to share it with him but first wanted to hear his thoughts about what he was thinking about doing with this lifetime.

He said he didn’t know nor does he want to figure that out. He said that he allows the circumstances in his life to drive where and what he does and it’s worked out well for him. I’ve integrated scholars and all the work here deeply within my life since January and he’s heard me talk about it over and over. He started to get defensive after I politely stated that I don’t agree that his circumstances control his results. I then stated we didn’t have to argue about it nor was I trying to say I am right or anything I just wanted to set it to the side.

I have no interest in persuading people about the model or that I’m “right”. He kept picking at it and eventually I just went to bed. I noticed I was sad because of my thoughts about not being able to share my human life manifesto with him and my thoughts about how both of us have changed. In the past, he used to tell me that I need to shut my coaching off when I’m around him and that not everyone around me wants that. However, I just believe that is who I am now. If someone asks me my opinion, my feedback comes from a place of love and compassion and if they ask for help I offer the concepts from the model as something that has helped me. And recently I’ve had SO many people reaching out for advice and my coaching clients are flourishing and I’m making an amazing impact and helping so many people, it’s been beautiful and magical on so many levels!

He has changed a lot too. He used to be interested in the things I sent him to watch or listen to. We would have a really great conversation. We would go out and adventure and explore and create. Now he spends the majority of his time playing video games, drinking, and smoking weed. I’ve worked through the work with that and found other ways to use my time which has been very fulfilling. I’ve been working and making new friends and exploring on my own. I no longer drink smoke weed, or watch TV. We do very little together now and the time that we do spend around each other typically ends with him being frustrated with me in some way.

I love him dearly and have been trying to do models on all of this. I don’t want to argue with him so when he starts to try and fight I’ve stopped talking back and just tell him that I love him and don’t want to argue but he persists and says we need to talk about it but when we do it’s always about the problem, not the solution. We’ve hashed out stuff over and over coming to the same conclusion of “we agree to disagree” but it comes right back up. I’ve identified my thoughts as “he doesn’t like who I am now” “We may not be right for each other anymore”. Here are some models. I would love your advice on this. I’m sorry my post is so long.

Unintentional Model:
C – Boyfriend
T – He doesn’t like who I am now
F – sad
A – mope around, make assumptions, inaction
R – arguments with boyfriend, guilt about not showing up how I want to show up

Intentional Model:
C – Boyfriend
T – I am different from how I used to be and I LOVE it! I love who I am now if he doesn’t that is ok.
F – exhilarated
A – continue to do my models, continue to help myself and those around me
R – content created, value provided to myself and others, living out my best life, making my dreams a reality

(So in my intentional model it has nothing to do with my BF, so then I’m like, am I being selfish? How can the circumstance be boyfriend and the rest of the model not include him at all?)

Unintentional:
C – boyfriend
T – Maybe we aren’t right for each other anymore
F – calm
A – love him unconditionally, when arguments start I just walk away, inaction
R – in a relationship that no longer feels like a relationship anymore

Intentional:
C – boyfriend
T – We do and think very different things and that is ok
F – love
A – leave because I love him but also would like a relationship with someone who aligns with me more and would like to go out and do things and or have a good conversation
R – wonderful friendship with ex, continued work with model, content created, value provided to myself and others, living out my best life, making my dreams a reality

What are your thoughts? Thank you, Brooke and team! I truly appreciate all your help!
D