Time for myself or buffering?


Dear Scholars,
I took today off, because I’d put it in my calendar, and I protected it carefully. Now that I have this whole day, I’m struggling with how to enjoy it and how to truly take time off in a way that supports myself. I am not buffering with food or drinking (like I used to) but I feel like I may be buffering with trying to figure out what could be fun and possibly indulging in self-doubt and/or confusion. I don’t feel excited about anything and think I may have expected to feel excited. I have a list of activities like take a walk, read a book, listen to podcasts, watch standup comedy – and nothing sounds fun. I still feel grief from a breakup 3 months ago, and I really want to just be able to be ok & be able to enjoy time on my own. I’ve spent a lot of time allowing my grief and want to move into a phase when I’m not sad and ruminating every time I make time for myself. I’m ok with spending some time allowing the grief and know I need to let it be there. Yet how can I move toward not letting it take my whole day so I can enjoy some of the time I’ve scheduled for myself?