Time to feel feelings


Last weekend, I went away for a spiritual retreat, where I was surrounded by people who are similar to me in many ways. Nobody disagreed with me or challenged me much. The surroundings and topics were not at all luxurious, but it sure felt like a sweet indulgence.

I think my primitive brain retreated back into the cave and decided to stay there. Because it threw such a tantrum when I got home!

When I got home, I had to make a decision about a project that is failing to create the results I expected. So for about a day and a half, I could feel my brain trying to stop me from making a decision. I was angry and acting irrationally, and at one point, I became so fatigued so suddenly that it felt like somebody had turned off a switch and I just about crawled into bed. While I was feeling some feelings, I was noticing some and resisting some too.

Anyway, I kept doing work according to my plan and I did a few models along the way. I could see pretty clearly what was going on but I was shocked by how strong my reaction was to facing this failure after coming back from the retreat. Of course the two things may not be related at all, so I know there is more than one story I can tell myself about it.

I’m not upset it happened and I’m not feeling afraid to go on retreat again because of my reaction afterwards. But wow, I gained some interesting data about myself! I think what I learned was how important it is to have that action/results plan so that I can keep going even when my primitive brain refuses to cooperate and throws a huge tantrum.

My question is: is there anything I am missing here? What coaching would you give me at this point?