Time to process the emotion interrupted

Came home from visit with sister who just was diagnosed with breast cancer. Husband and I had a nice weekend and he drove separately. Came in door.

He failed to inform me that he made arrangements with his ex wife for his son with Down syndrome to stay an extra day. We have been working on communication. This has been an issue in past. Fail.

Counter was filled with tomatoes and peppers from his daughter who is choosing not to speak to me. Ground beef was out for chili to make with his son and he knows I hate chili and also I plan the meals. He was watching a documentary. Barely came up to speak to me. I asked. “After I clean up here are you planning to watch that documentary?” He said no. My thought: “Then why are you not here catching up with me? Where is the support I need after dealing with my sister?” The thought I had:“I am not very important to you. Others are more important. My feelings don’t matter.”

Ended up leaving room and drinking upstairs. Fighting with husband. Text war. He kept asking me what was wrong and I said I am processing emotion and I am fine. Kept pressing and finally I spewed it all out. I own all of my thoughts here. I chose to feel sorry for myself. I can’t change him. He was just being him. What massive action can I take here to not repeat the problem? Why do I choose the thoughts I am not important to him, and then react to him based on those thoughts?

I need to make a decision ahead of time and need to learn how to deal with him pressing and pressing me when I am processing. I don’t seem to get the space. I know that is only a thought but if I don’t get the space I think I need to feel the emotion, then I end up exploding.