How do I know when it’s time to swallow my pride and get a job and do my business as a side gig?

I’m just scraping by after 2.5 years. I had so much confidence in my capacity to totally crush it in my business, but when failure struck. It devastated me and I stopped. Fast forward … I’m finally taking massive action, BUT I can’t stop obsessing about the lack of funds in my bank account. Hubby has an income, but in order to be sustainable, I need to bring in an income or we are just making expenses each month.

My thinking is so black and white because I’m afraid that my family will end up on the street. My son won’t go to college. We are totally screwed. Is this it? Is this what I threw away my 6-figure magazine editor job for?

I REALLY believe in my dream to be a successful business coach and course creator, and I know I haven’t been taking massive action over the past 2 years. Now I’m finally making things happen and creating so much value for my clients, but I know things take much longer than we think. I get so anxious and worried about the bank account, that I toggle between totally BELIEVING that I will create a successful business, and then I have those days/week that I jump into scarcity mode, calling to mind Brooke’s statement: “I should just be a hostess.”

I’m driven by a combination of fear and pride:
-FEAR about something that really doesn’t exist, because we are not living on the street. We are not behind in our bills.
-PRIDE because I’m not willing to settle and get a job and go back to being a 9-5 employee. The idea of this makes me want to vomit.

Is it just freakin’ time to swallow my pride, and get a J.O.B. or is this fear driving the bus?