Could you please help me with my model. I have 4 kids. 2 are full time in school and 2 year old twins are home. I have a full time helper as well. I am figuring out how to feel good about my decision to be away from the twins and get stuff done. There are times when I am with them and I think I should be being more useful and getting stuff done that needs to be done for the family and there are times when I’m doing errands or taking care of myself and I feel like I’m missing out and I should be with them instead- I am missing out on the connection with my kids and I should be with them as much as possible.
SO, heres the current model. I see that the thinking is the problem. I”m not sure if the result is correct… and the action is what I want to do right now.
C: Twins choose to sit on helpers lap for their birthday dinner ( or run to her instead of me when hurt)
T: They choose her over me.
A: Decide to spend more time with them so that they choose me and I have a stronger connection with them than with her
R: Stronger connection but still feel like I’m competing with the helper. Exhausted because I’m trying to do more than I can.
So, the model that I want to strive for:
C: Twins choose to sit on helpers lap for their birthday dinner.
T: I am a good mom for choosing such a good helper and so my twins have a strong connection with her.
F: Peace, good about myself and my choices
A: Prioritize time with twins.(delegate more to helper)
R: Strong connection with my twins
SO for the second model I started with the result and filled it all the way up. Please let me know if I’m on the right track. I do want to feel a strong connection with them, but I do go back and forth between spending as much time with them as possible and then I burn out trying to chase that goal in my head, so then I have to back off and take care of myself. I’ve been going through this loop for a while now, they are 2 and I find that every time they pick her over me I think that they love her more and it hurts.
SO my thought for the month of march is ” I trust myself to be exactly where I want to be and doing exactly what I want to be doing”. targeting my constant doubting of what I should be doing.
any questions or feedback or correction would help? I’ve been overthinking this so much that I need new input! thank you!