Tired of falling into old patterns – need new model

Current model:
C: Completely self-sufficient (Single Mom-cook, maid, nurse, landscaper, electrician and at times plumber), Director of Marketing, Hopeful Writer/Photographer) but still looking for rescuer, waiting for a rescue – waiting to be discovered by some rich knight in shining armor who will fall in love with my work and therefore me and fund all my artistic endeavors.
T: Current book project – It’s too much with the computer issues I’ll never get it done and if I do it won’t pay the bills and then I’ll be out of my other well paying job because I’ve spent too much time on it.
F: Overtired, rundown, shutdown
A: Have made some progress and keep trying to work on ‘dream’ but easily sidetracked by movies, and falling into poor eating habits again
R: A little bit of progress each day on ‘dream job’ but really neglecting day to day paying job and feeling guilty about it and about poor eating habits and letting myself go again, worrying about impact on the children etc.,

Feeling lame even writing this note like I should already have these answers – Can you help me with some new thoughts to practice? Thank you for all of your work and your live coaching calls – I’m trying not to be just a consumer and I feel as though I have come a long way with watching my thoughts but perhaps not with sitting with all the feelings – which have me running to the Cheezits. Just feel like crying and that ‘I want to go home’ – but I guess that’s more of where I just want someone to take care of me for a while. Feeling depleted and trapped by circumstance.