To be an amazing Horsewomen

My desire is to be an amazing horsewomen.
I rode on a friends farm as a youngster and was alway completely anxious during those rides but I just loved riding. !0 years ago I was finally able to buy my first horse so basically I was a beginner at 43. !0 years on I have reached a good standard and now have 2 horses.
My problem is I don’t want to just be “Good” I want to be ” excellent” but the anxiety when I ride is still there, particularly when I am outside of the arena and I goes up an notch when I am on my own . My first horse is reasonably forgiving but my second one isn’t .When he becomes unconfident he bucks. I need to work on him becoming more confident but this can only happen if I trust myself and improve my confidence. I have learnt to stay on but it hasn’t always been the case. Watching a good friend being seriously injured when her horse fell backwards on her hasn’t helped my anxiety levels.
C riding
T I’n not good enough I might fall off
F scared so therefore tense
A inaction
R don’t improve

I did a 10 coaching call the other day and it was fantastic. Lisa suggested that I look at am I prepared to take the risk of falling to achieve my desire and to do some thought down loads about my fear of falling
I have been trying to take small steps, such as just sitting on my horses and observing what the feeling is like, where do I feel the anxiety and naming it. I have only been working on me and my confidence. I feel absolutely fine when all is going well. It is when the shit hits the fan and I need to remain clam.
I wonder if when I am siting and observing , I am using it as past evidence for future beliefs eg. He hasn’t bucked in 10 rides and I coped.
Given we are looking and creating our future dreams and new beliefs this month, I feel I am going about it the wrong way. Still looking for evidence from the past
I do a lot of work on the ground with my horses to train and practice what I want to do in the saddle but to improve my riding, I feel the best way is to ride.