to have or not to have…

LOVED the coaching on the live call today. I was hoping to be coached on this topic today, but am so glad I wasn’t, b/c I loved hearing those coaching sessions so much.

I’m feeling uncertain about my husband and mine’s wishi-washi-ness around having kids. He’s 40, I 39, no kids, never pregnant, will be married 14 years in a few weeks.

About 8-9 years ago we both agreed we’re cool either way, whether we end up getting pregnant or not, and stopped preventing. Since it’s never happened we’re assuming it probably won’t (though we both are docs and know “surprises” can happen in the seemingly infertile!), and are totally fine with that, but since we’re not preventing it still COULD happen, and we THINK we’re totally fine with that too?

Most of the time I don’t even think about this issue at all. But every now and then I think, should we “know” whether we want kids and either try or prevent?

But at the same time, I don’t “know” if I want kids; there are so many pros/cons each way when I make my lists (though the cons usually win out, so maybe there’s my answer; but then again I know there are intangible pros I couldn’t know without having a kid that I’m not factoring in).

So, I keep coming back to being fine with sticking with the thought “if it happens it happens, we’ll be just fine either way” (I’m pretty positive I believe this, and I think that’s a pretty sweet spot to be in…we allllll good).

But, today when I think that thought and then I picture myself getting pregnant I have a twinge of sadness/regret.

But there are days when I think that thought and picture myself getting pregnant and I feel a little excited.

I guess I’m expecting my brain to naturally settle in strongly to a yes or no camp like everyone else around me seemed to, and that’s not happening, and I’m also not wanting to firmly decide (FOMO?) and I’m not sure how to approach this, or if I even need to at all since it’s not really creating a “problem” in my life other than a little confusion now and then.

Thank you!