Hi!

Looking for some clarity here. At 16 years old, I had a falling out with my dad because I didn’t pursue a sport he thought I would be very talented at. Looking back now I can see I interpreted his anger as disappointment in me, that I was only worthy if I did the thing he wanted so my response at the time was to shut him out. I made the decision in that moment that I needed to take care of myself, my family wasn’t reliable, and now I see I also felt abandoned.

As an adult I can see how this made me who I am now and the positive attributes but my relationship with my dad is still distant and I can still feel that sense of abandonment or anger. When we talk on the phone I don’t want to share very much personal information, which I think is a way I try to protect myself. It was suggested to me to call him and tell him that I know he was doing the best he could at the time (which I do intellectually understand) but that I’m still feeling anger and hurt around it.

If I were to call I would tell him I don’t want an apology, it’s not what I’m looking for, I guess just for him to know how I interpreted that fight 18 yrs ago. But my hesitation is, why bring up something that long ago to him and possibly upset him? I’m wondering when is it a good time to talk to someone about something that has happened in the past?

Thanks!