hi there
so today was a emotional day. Many thoughts.
so it started of with me and my partner not getting an appartment that we wanted.
and then i did a thought download that looked like this one:

the appartment
we didn’t get it
too much pain
if would be so nice to have it because its cheap and really nice
we won’t get any cheaper and better appartment
if we apply again we have lots to do and get our hopes up if we wouldn’t get it
thinking about it and then not having it hurts
i just want to forget about it, because thinking about it hurts
can’t stand the time thinking about who will be getting the appartment.
who will get it?? and i’m still here applying for another appartment and maybe all for nothing. i want to do something and not just sit around. hate the uncertainty of not knowing.
-> these were the thought downloads concerning the appartment. So i noticed that it bothered/hurt me so much that i decided not to think about it. is this buffering??

and then i tried to put in positive thoughts in my brain, which looked like this:
i have a special peron by my side
we are going to south africa together
we feel conected, have fun and will have a cool weeeknd
don’t forget your negative thoughts that u have about him
-> so i tried to put in positive thoughts and i was really happy and then my brain and my heart was like: oh no, don’t get too excited. We have doubts about him and the relationship remember?
it was like a sting in my heart.

and now i have these negative thoughts about my relationship. Where i think too much. its like i’m finding thinks cute about him and it works but then my brain plays me like a movie in my head where i love him but its just not enough. and i want to love him but i just can’t. and then i have to break up with him because my love for him is not enough.

it discussed it lots of time in the 10min tutoring session but i just can’t help it.

in the darkest days i think if scs will ever help me and get worth it..

thanks for your help! 🙂