Looking for guidance on some models and changing my thought. Since I was young I’ve been fairly guarded unless it’s a very good friend, everyone else I’ve kept at arms length. I think being introverted plays apart in this and I’m not saying I can’t change but it seems like a personality trait to some extent.
Right now I can see it’s more a fear of vulnerability and it’s making starting a business harder than it needs to be. The circumstance that really brought it too light was an acquaintance at my gym friended me on FB and my brain freaked out. I believe or what I want her to think is (which I’m probably wrong) that I’m someone who has got it together, is successful, etc. But my Thought is if I friend her she’ll get more of a glimpse of who I am and more opportunity to judge me. My action in the moment was to click on her FB and judge her, The Result was feel a lot of judgement.
This was helpful because it made it much clearer why I don’t want to post anything on my biz page or if I do it takes me hours or days to decide. I find my knee jerk reaction is to say I can do this on my own, I don’t need their help. For instance I’m not close to my coworkers and I don’t want to share with them that I’m creating a business and my thought is I don’t need them. So it’s a mix of trying to control being judged and being rejected.
T: They’ll think my posts are silly, think less of me
F: Anxious, insecure
A: not post anything, only friend strangers
R: have a sparse FB, unprofessional Biz page
T: I can’t control peoples thoughts and I don’t need to because I’m complete
F: secure, unapologetic
A: allow people in, post what resonates with me
R: attract the right people and friends for me
I guess my question is for being very guarded in every area of my life (also single, I guess guys don’t like to scale 10 walls to say hi:) is there anything else you would add. I think you’ll say continue doing models each time it comes up in each area of my life, which is great that I can do! But are there questions I can ask to flesh the thoughts out more? As I’m typing this I guess the real work is improving my opinion of myself then I wouldn’t be so determined to hide certain parts I judge as not good enough.
That might be my answer, Suz S.