Too many goals


All my life I have had a model that I find myself writing out once again today in my TDL.

C: I have a list of multiple goals

(On the list are things like:
I need to pass my driving instructor training because I have a test on 29th July
I also want to keep making the money I do as a coach, serving clients 1:1
I’d like to grow my coaching income and business, right now I bring in 1K each month, I’d like to grow it to a consistent 4K each month so I can join the LCS coach certification
I have a part-time job for a university 2 days a week and I want to do it well
I’m halfway through a Hypno-CBT diploma and would like to graduate this year and to do that I need to complete my written assessments and supervised case studies
At some point this year I will be moving to a smaller house so I need to radically declutter.
My home is a mess and I hate living in mess.
I have 3 kids aged 9, 7 and 5 and I’d like to give them some attention and actual parenting, not just feed them and launder for them and scold them for not picking anything up off the floor.
I am married and we barely see each other, or talk, we work together successfully (ish!) to run our household but that’s about it.
I want to re-lose the 8lb I regained this year because I am a weight/food psychology coach and want to walk my talk. I study food psychology with audiobooks, I have accountability partners, set myself goals, keep a journal, try to focus on changing one habit at a time…
I have now joined scholars and would like to journal and TDL daily as the workbook outlines. I’d like to get the most out of it.
I have been working on my productivity and time management.
Ps the kids are signed off school for the next 10 days because of a Covid case.

T: I haven’t got time for my LIFE.

F: Trapped, angry.

A:
Strive, to do several things at once.
(I have set aside a bit of my list – eg I’m not working on the hypno-CBT assessments until after I have completed the driving instructor training.; I don’t clean much during the week; and although I’ve taken on all the clients I can handle right now I’m not actively strategising to grow my business for the next few months).

Go to bed late after sending out contracts, invoices, giving client sessions etc.
Get up early to do all that fucking journaling which although is absurd and I just swore at it, is my favourite moment of the day when I feel most ‘me’ and calm etc.
Eat to prop up, incentivize and reward my tired-ass self
Abuse caffeine, or cocoa, or dark chocolate, with the justification that it will wake me up or give me energy
De-prioritize my family, my kids, and cleaning, so that we become sad, attention-starved, and struggling amid chaos and a feeling of neglect
Go on Facebook late at night staying up an extra half hour when I should be asleep ,

R: at least 1 day a week I’m so tired I actually fall asleep during the day. I burn out and restart.

Just to illustrate what a recurring pattern this has been, let me describe:

I used to make theatre shows and work night shifts and I would do this repeatedly – take on everything myself, strive, burnout.

I had done it with kids- having three not two – taking on extra, pushing myself, then not being capable of doing a decent job of it.

I am building a house – I could have just bought one – so we are living in a rented flat – I took on way more than I needed to in doing it the complicated way.

Sometimes I think I may have ADHD because my tendency to start things, and take on extra things, and strive and burnout is such a glaring pattern! I’m smart and creative and enthusiastic, (until I’m tired and grumpy and discouraged). But I have also avoided a diagnosis because I may just be lacking the skill of making choices and following through on them, or repeating a thought error big time!

P.S. I have taken a look at Monday Hour One. I write a big list weekly, monthly. I realize I can hardly do any of it. I schedule what I can. Where’s the part where you learn how to make decisions and prioritize?