Too numb to grab a feeling


I buffer a lot – majority of my time. I feel very disconnected from my body and often just feel like a brain. I intellectually know there are major feelings I must let myself feel (regret, anxiety, fear, rejection, sadness) but I don’t authentically feel them. When I pause before I know I am about to buffer (binge eating or tv binge) there is dead space and air so I struggle to know what to feel and work through…and end up still compulsively buffering. After I succumb to the urge I then feel like I am failing at the program because ‘I am so messed up and broken I cannot even do the thought work’. I am smart enough to do a model but can’t physically feel any shifts.

Do I need to just set aside time and make an effort to go and feel what I intellectually know I should work through? Do I fake it til I feel it? Any advice for deepening the connection to myself to access the true blockages causing all the buffering?