Torn about my ex

I want to get back with my ex.  I also do not want to get back with my ex.  The first T creates so much love, I’ve never stopped loving how much this handsome man loves me.  The second T creates so much curiosity for the possibility I can love someone the way my ex loves me, admire his lovability for me AND admire his brain.

You will say I can choose to admire my ex that much. But I’ve tried, and besides how much he loves me, I have to constantly coach myself on “we aren’t on the same intelligence level.”  But I also have never been so impressed with how much he loves me, like an unconditional loving puppy who’s romantic and wants to cook and go on sushi dates.

But for two years I tried, and was exhausted from coaching myself around certain topics we couldn’t discuss or certain friends he doesn’t relate to.  But I can’t imagine life without him.  And I could go on and on.  I know this is about making a decision, but I’ve tried both, and both are hard.  And both are great.  Thank you!