Trading happiness for guilt

My husband and I are from Mexico and all of our extended families live there. A few months ago my husband lost both of his parents to COVID-19 and he did not even get a chance to say goodbye, attend a funeral or support his brother who got really sick too.

I saw his case and got terrified of the possibility of living the same experience, I spent months several months worried that I will never see my parents alive again, which I know is a thought or fear that does not serve me.

Well, I am happy to report that I am fully vaccinated and my parents got their first dose so I took the decision to finally travel and visit them, I’ll be flying in a few days.

And now, my monkey primitive brain keeps offering me ideas to feel GUILTY instead of happy. Guilty that I’ll get to see my parents alive again while my husband didn’t get that chance. He of course has not complained or made any remarks about that, it’s all in my own brain.

Something similar happened to me when we got our vaccines, I wanted to be happy, but felt guilty thinking of all the people, and mainly my in laws who never got the chance to get the vaccine, who didn’t survive the pandemic.

I want to truly feel happy about my upcoming trip and embrace the good things, I know feeling guilty will not bring back those who are gone, but keep going back to the error thought.

Please help me out of this loop. Thank you,