Transgender teen

In the past month I’ve discovered (through observation and snooping) that the older of my two sons (14 and 11) has been going to school (before it closed) as a girl and wants to become a girl. He even has a name picked out that his friends call him. They are supportive, which is great. My thoughts are that his life will be hard, that this isn’t normal, that it’s so sad that he doesn’t like himself as he is. I’ve also learned that he may be taking edibles and alcohol right here in the house when his dad and I are working in our respective home offices. We’ve been on shelter-in-place for 4 weeks now. He hasn’t told me any of these things, but we have a great relationship. He’s very helpful and funny and considerate. I’ve made it clear that he won’t be in any trouble if he’s honest with me. It hurts to think that he’s hiding something from me. Of course it’s natural and I also lied and engaged in some risky behavior at his age. I think I need to unplug from him. I’m trying to just notice my feelings (absolute panic some days) and investigate where they are in my body and what thoughts are causing them. It find myself thinking about the future, about what his life will be like, what our families will think, and I wonder if I’ve done something wrong in parenting him. Help.