I wrote a previous question about being mean to my boyfriend as we were going on vacation and worked very hard to change my thoughts and it worked! I’ve felt very loving, understanding, patient, and excited about all the time we’ve gotten to spend together.

So part of my thoughts changing were due to acknowledging that I was choosing to agree this vacation is about seeing and spending the majority of our time with his family. Once I changed from thinking “vacation with some family visits” to “family visits with some alone time” I’ve been able to have a great time. The thing is I don’t think my boyfriend has made that mental change and he’s getting grumpy and frustrated at the constraints and “manipulative requests ” his family is making on our time. I tried to sneaky coach him to feel ok about saying what he wants and seeing there are other options available to us. He thinks that sounds mean and tough love and that his niece and nephew wouldn’t understand. How can I help him feel better? I’ve made some plans for myself like taking the afternoon to do some sightseeing on my own while my boyfriend goes to see his family, but I do worry a little that he and his family will think that I’m being selfish. It’s my vacation, too, though.