Triggered by my house mates


So I’ve noticed a biological response to something happening in my household and my normal self coaching normally works but for this particular thing it feels like it’s triggering a trauma- In the sense that I feel my body become activated, racy heart rate, light headed, pulsing adrenaline.

C: Flat mate moves a bag in the kitchen from where I put it
T: If I put it back they’re going to attack me
F: fear
A: I put the bag back, I listen in the house for when they go into the kitchen or re-enter the home, I stop and self-coach, I move the bag back, I say to them I’m going to move the bag when I’m ready , deep breathing, think about worse case scenarios of them hurting me
R: I attack myself with my thoughts

The idea that they’ll hurt me is dramatic and I have no evidence of why I think that, except for the idea that when I was a teenager growing up at home I’d do things in the kitchen specifically and my mother was verbally abusive so she’d see things in the home that she didn’t like and abuse me until I changed them.

Now I’m adult I’m replaying this over and over again in my mind. Sometimes I’m afraid to say “Hey I don’t like that” because I have this weird fear that what happened to me as a child will happen again.  My thoughts are “People don’t like me, that’s why it happened to me as a child and it’s happening now, I should just do what they say, it’s easier if I don’t speak up.”

I want to be able to advocate for myself without my body shutting down and having a total panic response and I’m not sure what to do.