Trouble Accepting Parents

One of my goals is to come to a place of acceptance toward my parents and not slip into victimhood/emotional childhood in their presence. However, I’m very resistant to this idea because if I accept them and show up in emotional adulthood, I’m making that mean that they did a good job raising me and that they will take credit for my success and happiness.

So, then I asked myself: “So what if they take credit for my success and happiness?” And my brain responded: “Well, then they will never recognize all the patterns they created that I had to break, the parts of me like them that I had to overcome, all the work I had to do to undo their parenting, etc.”

So, it’s clear to me that there is a part of me that deeply wants the pain of my childhood to be acknowledged by my parents, but I also know that it is never going to happen, and more than anything, I want to get in emotional adulthood for myself.

Any insight on how I can acknowledge this pain for myself and show up in the space of emotional adulthood with my parents, even if they make it mean that they are the best parents ever? Thank you!