trouble getting neutral about C line or just a big mess…


My husband and I are separated and he’s said “I am divorcing you” but in my state he can’t file for another year. I’m still working on becoming neutral about the separation. I miss him but I’m going to be OK! I understand it was meant to happen and I believe that. But I still feel sad a lot and revert back to imaginary conversations in my mind of trying to convince him I’ve changed and things will be different blah blah blah or I’ll imagine him changing his mind and how great things will be or just more heartbreak so I’m still a bit in the river of misery there but I’m working on it… Since he’s gone and I won’t date while I’m separated I’m trying to love the idea of being “single” or alone on purpose… Here is my current model.

Unintentional
C: alone on purpose
T: I don’t want to be alone
F: scared
A: try to get him back
R: alone and more sad

Intentional
C: alone on purpose
T: I will grow so much from this experience
F: excited!
A: focus on my current life and SCS
R: tremendous personal growth and I’ll be more ready for a relationship!

I have not been able to get neutral about this C either. I feel if I could, it would help me deal with this break-up better. But I also can’t let go of “hope”. Hoping he changes his mind. Hoping he will give me another chance. And I just listened to Brookes podcast on hope and how useless it is! I’m tired of crying! I’m tired of thinking about him every minute of every day when I can’t talk to him or make it up to him. I would say, I’ll train my brain to think of him as dead, but of course I know he’s not so there is that little glimmer of “hope” again…