Trouble with friends

So I have a little bit of trouble in the friend department. I used to be a super extrovert, but the older I’ve gotten the more introverted I’ve become. I make friends, but I don’t tend to keep them. Not because we have a falling out or anything, it’s probably because I don’t maintain the friendship. I know why that is, but I want to know what I can do about it.

My model goes something like this:

C: I have a friend I’ve know for 20 years, who has been trying to reach me. Leaving voice mails, texts, etc.

T: I’m not in a good emotional place right now. What would she think of me if she knew about me having post partum?

F: Ashamed, embarrassed

A: I don’t call her back

R: We disconnect, more time passes, we both miss out on the friendship

I know it’s my T line that is giving me trouble. But what if there’s a long history of negative thought loops and experiences when it comes to making and keeping friends. It’s obviously an area I need to grow in. I was bullied a lot in school, and I know it stems from that.

Thanks for your advice and insight!