True body acceptance

I am having such a hard time accepting my body. I flip daily between contempt for it, openness to it, and positivity about it. What feels like the worst struggle is I want to be done NOT accepting it. I know when that happens I will probably ACTUALLY lose weight and be truly okay with it. Then my brain is like ACCEPT IT BECAUSE THAT MEANS WEIGHTLOSS.

It feels so all over the place and I would love help on this model + deciding what standpoint to truly take about a body I don’t feel comfortable in.

C: My body
T: This is not how it’s supposed to look
F: Disappointed
A: Obsess overlooking at it in the mirror to see if it’s changed, pinch areas I don’t like, not put out content that has my body in it, feel bad about myself doing daily tasks
R: Argue with my body every day

For background – I am a former competitive athlete who used to be very lean and muscular that has a lot more fat and less muscle on me. It’s extremely hard to let go of something I fought for for years to look like.