When trust is an issue in a relationship


My husband has a big mouth and likes to share information with his friends. Things I have told him in confidence, intimate details the two of us have discussed, things about our sex life (he talks to his mother about our sex life and she calls and gives me advice). We own a business together and if we have a problem with an employee we need to discuss He often goes back to that employee and tells them what I said and makes it sound like I’m the bad guy. Because of this I have a boundary about what I will and won’t share with him. – I have told him “If you continue to share information I tell you in confidence and you agree to keep it confidential and then you go and tell someone, I will no longer share these things with you.” He continued to share confidential information so I don’t tell him anything that I wouldn’t want him to share. It feels yucky. I want to be in a relationship where I can share my feelings and not worry about who he will tell. I need to be able to discuss employee challenges without fear of it getting back to the employee in an inappropriate way. Am I setting this boundary wrong? Do I have an unrealistic expectation? 20+ years of being married this way has eroded any trust that I had. I don’t know how to open the door back up without setting myself up to be hurt. My husband has a lot of good qualities and I would like to build our relationship back up. From your podcast today, specifically the ‘Fly Girl’ My husband could crap all over me and I could still love him. Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. I could drop the expectation/boundary of him not sharing and share my thoughts and feelings with him anyway and if he shares them with other people just let that be his business and do the model on my embarrassment that he just told all his friends I had a boil on my ass/ I wax my mustache/ or that I don’t like a particular sexual position.