Trust or not


As much as I would want to focus on doing TD on my impossible goal for 2020, my brain is consumed with my marriage that fell apart 3 months ago. I’d like to have an intentional model where the result is that I can think and focus on me and my impossible goal for 2020, but I don’t seem to get there, could you please take a look and give me some feedback

I am in a predicament and I don’t know if I can trust my husband, who separated from me, Before he separated from me I trusted him 100%, now I am not sure anymore mainly because I didn’t expect him to separate from me, other than that he was true to his words of caring for me in the last 3 months. I can’t figure out if it is really my gut telling me I can still trust him while everyone around me says I would be stupid to trust him and that I have to “lawyer-up” OR is it that I just want to think and believe I can trust him but by doing so I ignore the reality?

UM
C = Husband separated, but says he still cares deeply and will give me time to figure my life out, he will not screw me over
T = I don’t know if I can trust him
F = scared (–> blockage in the throat, feeling sick to my stomach, getting dizzy)
A = ruminate the whole dilemma in my head over and over, I do TD and models without getting anywhere, I feel the fear and describe it, but I also buffer with watching SCS videos, or podcasts, idling, stick my head in the sand
R = nothing changes and I still don’t know if I can trust husband BUT BY NOT DOING ANYTHING I DO KIND OF trust him

UM-2 (different thought but same feeling, actions and result)
C = Husband separated, people tell me I have to lawyer up
T = Involving lawyers right now would make everything worse
F = scared (–> blockage in the throat, feeling sick to my stomach, getting dizzy)
A = ruminate the whole dilemma in my head over and over, I do TD and models without getting anywhere, I feel the fear and describe it, but I also buffer with watching SCS videos, or podcasts, idling, stick my head in the sand, don’t do anything
R = nothing changes, no lawyers are involved, BUT BY NOT DOING ANYTHING I DO KIND OF trust him

IM
C = Husband separated, but says he still cares deeply and will give me time to figure my life out, he will not screw me over
T = I want to trust his words
F = uncertain, unsure
A = I don’t involve a lawyer, instead we both sign a statement that we prepared together, I focus on myself and figure my new life out,
R = I trust husband and focus on my 2020 impossible goal

I know something isn’t right with the IM because the feeling of uncertain and unsure doesn’t get me the result that I trust him and focus on my goal… can you shed some light?