Trying to get pregnant

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last two years. In the meantime, we have suffered two miscarriages. I am 41 and afraid we are running out of time. I am having trouble staying positive or even neutral about it. I can’t shift the thinking to anything that is not disappointment inducing.
C – Pregnancy
T – I will never have a child with this man
F – Deflated
A – Continue to obsess (buying sticks, testing), get into arguments with my husband, blame my husband, avoid specialty care.

I am not finding a bridge thought that will feel neutral.
Thank you so much.