I haven’t spoken much to my adult niece after an issue that occurred right before the pandemic. My brain still likes to dramatize the circumstances so I’ll leave those out. I was very close to this niece, as was my husband, and I’ve done lots of work around this, and my family of origin, with a great therapist. I’m still working on it, but I’m pretty much okay with not speaking to them much, and loving them from a distance.
It was my husband’s birthday on the 13th. She texted him on the 15th, saying she was sorry she missed it, etc. The tone of the text didn’t sound like she would normally speak to him…it was quite “formal.” Here is my model.
C S texted Joe 2 days after his birthday
T This still shouldn’t be bothering me
A Spin, ruminate, rehearse the “offending incident “, wonder why the text was so “formal”, wish it were different than it is, wonder why she texted at all
R I’m bothering me by indulging in the above actions
C S texted Joe 2 days after this birthday
T This doesn’t need to negatively impact me
A Don’t discuss with Joe , observe how my mind tends to dramatize and rehash old hurts, self coach, Ask a Coach, notice what I make it mean about me, process with Katelynn in our next session if I still think I need to
R I am not negatively impacted