Hi there. So the premise is that I have had emotional eating in my late teen years, I have been underweight for 5-6 years, and I have been resisting all sorts of emotions my entire life. When it comes to food, resistance looks in my body like tightness, hypersalivation, swallowing, tension, agitation.

In the past I remained trapped in the loop of thoughts producing this for hours and days, even during my nights, leaving me very fatigued. Now I am getting better at processing emotions and this happens less frequently.

So before my meals I have this sneaky thoughts that is always around my brain that “I would be more worthy if I ate less food and not resist not freak out just be at peace with it”.

And the model which I think that keeps that thought coming back looks like this:
C: me having my life, resisted emotions in the past
T: I am still afraid of resistance (still not 100% confident I can process it)
F: not enough (shame)
A: continuously set tests to try to prove that my inner critic is wrong and so I can feel enough for a bit (“If you managed to ate less you could prove your inner critic that you can stop at any moment and be at peace with it”)
R: Test is not well defined, but an expectation to be able to eat less is set. When my body asks the food it needs and I eat past that expectation, I feel disappointed , I offer myself naked to the raw judgments of my inner critic, I find always confirmation that I am not strong disciplined good enough at processing my emotions.

What I got is that in this model I am trying to change the F line with the A-line, by setting tests and not trying to change the T line before.

Now when it comes to me choosing the foods and deciding how much to eat, how would you suggest me to find evidence that support new thoughts without these unfair testing modality? I would appreciate if you could suggest me some ideas that either require the use of a protocol and either something without a protocol. Thanks!