I’m doing a model on something that came up for me today, and I think I’ve got it right. But I still feel hurt about the situation.
What happened is, I was trying to arrange a Christmas get together with a school friend. We had agreed on a date a while back, but she announced today that a family thing has come up and she’s going to that instead. She says she is not free any other weekend in December. She could do during the week, but only for a quick lunch. I feel mad about this, like I don’t matter. I had already agreed to travel to see her, to make things easy. I’m going out of my way, offering to travel 4 hours on a train, and it doesn’t seem as if she’s making any effort. This makes me feel unimportant and I feel hurt.
C – My friend cancelled our plans and says she cannot meet in December
T – I don’t matter to her
F – Unimportant
A – I give her the cold shoulder, I stay quiet, I withdraw from the friendship, don’t initiate any further contact
R – I don’t have the connection or friendship that I want
I can see here how this model backfires on me, because it’s connection that I want with her and by punishing her and giving her the silent treatment, I don’t get that. But even though I’ve done this model, I still feel as if I don’t matter. I feel convinced that she could try harder to make a meet up work if it was a priority to her. I still feel hurt about that. I think I was hoping to feel better after doing a model but I don’t. Am I missing something here?