Hi there

I just spoke to my brother who has just broken up with his girlfriend of several years (she is a single mum with 3 kids under 5) He said he’s really not sure why she broke up with him but said it was because she said she was too busy with her kids and didn’t have the emotional investment or time to put into the relationship anymore. My brother told me he was feeling really depressed, sad, lonely, ashamed and had to take time off work because it was too painful to bear. He can’t sleep, has lost weight and cries all the time. I guess, because modeling is so in my brain because I do it all the time, that my words were trying to help him redirect his brain to more positive thoughts. He shouted at me and put the phone down saying that I didn’t understand, that I was discounting his feelings, that I was making his feelings invalid.

I feel terrible (because of the thoughts I am thinking about the situation) as that was not my intention at all but I can see how I might have sounded flippant as we are all so used to the counseling method of validating our feelings and indulging in how much others hurt us and how they make us feel. I know that I am hurting myself with the thoughts I am having about how I have been so insensitive and unsupportive of him. Model

C brother and his relationship breakup
T I’ve said the wrong things and now he is hurt and angry with me
F terrible and guilty
A worry and fret, try and apologies via text, try to work out how to connect with him without using the model
R I feel like i have hurt him and i feel sad about it

C brother and his relationship breakup
T I was trying to help, I did the best I could with the tools I had
F neutral?
A apologise to him, see how I really needed to just listen and be supportive and not try to ‘help’ in the model way
R let him think any thoughts he likes and feel sad because he wants to.

Am I on the right track? Many thanks BM