Uncertainty in a relationship


Hello, I’ve recently started dating after a divorce. I’m a divorced woman with two young children, a job and starting a business. He is a divorced man with older children and some responsibilities to his ex-wife.  We have been dating for about 3 months.  We spent the night together for the first time the past two nights. Then I heard from him in a text mid-day, a very quick phone call this evening, and now a text with music attached.  I’m not feeling good about our communication and about our relationship.

After an intimate night, I expect to hear from him more and for him to make plans for us to see each other. That happens unreliably. I’d like more reliability and sweet gestures. I’m afraid to ask for these. I think that’s mostly because if we break up I want to to do the breaking up. And we are not even really together exactly. I’m also trying to figure out the right way to communicate my wants. Respectfully and with a good chance of a good response (though I know we can’t do anything about other’s thoughts, feelings or behavior).

I know I could choose to be happy with the state of things just they way they are, which I do sometimes, but I also don’t want to communicate that I wouldn’t like to receive flowers and cards and notes.  Feeling stuck and uncertain.