Unconditional love

My thoughts and my body tell me my husband is the devil. He commands, humiliates, yells at me, he even cheated. I have noticed that him yelling triggers a primary wound from my childhood. It doesn’t feel good in my body and I shut down or push back. How can I love him unconditionally if he acts that way?

What he does isn’t acceptable for me. I have been setting boundaries until now that we have 14 years married. I want to love him unconditionally but I don’t want to be a carpet. How do I know I’m loving him from love and not fear?

Thank you