Unconscious Negativity

Hi Brooke,

I listened to your podcast on Unconscious Negativity and had a hard time understanding how this correlated with one of my previous relationships. I completely understand the concept of how we are in charge of our own thoughts about someone, and how we are also in charge of how we act around a certain person. However, I was in an abusive relationship that I got out of two years ago, and I have a hard time reconciling the idea that he was not a toxic person. I understand that I was in a really bad place for myself mentally at the time, and yes it was my choice to stay for the few years we were together. However, the entire reason I had the courage to leave the relationship was because I found strength in articles online that explained to me how he was a “toxic person” and had characteristics of being an “abusive narcissist”, how he would most likely never change, and probably do this in all of his relationships. It was almost eerie how accurate the abuse was to the online descriptions, our relationship seemed to be the classic textbook case of abuse. I can have compassion for him how he must be hurting in his mind in order to treat women this way. However, I just don’t understand how he is not a toxic person and it was all in the way I interpreted it. Can you please shed some light on this? I would love to release myself of any negativity I have toward him.

Thanks so much.