Uncovering anger


Hi. I think my next big thought work area to address is my job. I have not done much work on this at all and it is what brought me to scholars in the first place almost two years ago. Can you look at these models, please?

UNINTENTIONAL
C: colleague exists
T: I don’t know what the fuck you want from me.
F: angry
A: spin in my head, buffer, ask what they want from me (is this maybe a separate model?), blame,
R: I still don’t know what they want from me (?)

C: job exists
T: This is so fucking annoying.
F: irritated
A: ruminate, think of all the things that are annoying/wrong/a problem, blame a C for my F,
R: I fucking annoy myself with my thoughts

C: tasks exist
T: I hate this so much.
F: frustrated
A: judge everything I do as wrong
R: I hate my thoughts about my job/tasks so much

C: I exist in a job
T: I hate myself.
F: self-loathing
A: I judge everything I’ve done in the past as wrong. I avoid doing things in the future because I will judge myself for it.
R: I hate my thoughts and I misidentify who I really am, the watcher/observer

***

INTENTIONAL
C: colleague exists
T: I am absolutely committed to figuring out how to show up as an employee I am proud of for my own sake
F: empowered
A: try different communication methods, try different calendaring methods, leave space in my calendar for inevitable last-minute tasks, let colleague do and be themselves, own everything I am already doing, take on what I want others to do as my own (I’M the one)
R: I figure out how to show up as an employee that I’m proud of for no one else but me

C: job exists
T: This is a job and I am absolutely committed to figuring this out.
F: committed
A: try things
R: I figure it out

C: tasks exist
T: I am going to do my absolute best with these tasks I’m given
F: determined
A: research when necessary, ask necessary questions, break down tasks to results-driven things I can put on my calendar
R: I do my best with these tasks

C: I exist in a job
T: I can do hard things
F: motivated
A: don’t avoid things I think will be hard, lean into the discomfort
R: I do hard things

C: me
T: I am NOT CONFUSED
F: calm
A: do a to-do download, watch my thoughts
R: I am not confused that my thoughts are the problem here – NOT my job