Undermining my achievements and struggling to let go of self judgement


I love the idea and action around planning out my week. I’m totally geeking out on it. I do experience great relief in minimizing the many decisions of a day by making them ahead of time. But what is clear is that as soon as I do what I say I am going to do (finish a work task, plan and prepare meals for my family throughout the week, keep up with household tasks, take care of my kids, etc) I undermine it. Its like b/c I did it, it must not have been hard to do and I should have planned something more, or b/c much of what I do is around managing my household (I’m not primary breadwinner), it doesn’t mean anything or anyone could do it. I also find myself wracked with guilt and even shame when I take my scheduled time for myself. Like I’m a glutton. I feel like I am able to plan and keep to the plan, but I am still caught in my self judgment and critique. I want to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment but it feels so elusive, even when I try to create intentional models

My models go something like this, but the intentional one doesn’t stick:

UI model
C: kept to schedule
T: I kept to schedule only b/c I didn’t schedule enough, anybody could do it, it doesn’t count
F: demoralized, ineffective
A: worry about things I can’t control (like my kids!), things I haven’t yet done (even if they are scheduled)
R: don’t show up how I want to

I Model
C: kept to schedule
T: This is important work (family) and I am a badass to get it all done
F: pride
A: show up with energy
R: I accomplish what I say I will

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. thank you!!