Hi Brooke!
I’ve been loving the recent coaching calls, I really find something in each caller that I can identify with in a situation in my life. I love the theory, but the practical application is where it’s at. So I really want to thank you for this, the calls are a part of SCS that I have always taken advantage of since I joined in May. I still have the call recorded in which you coached me in June, and I have listened to it so many times! I have yet to absorb and apply all of what we talked about, and I won’t participate in a call again until I do 🙂
I have some questions after watching the Sept. 21 call. For the first woman who plays baseball with her 3 year old, and again with the other lady who had a puddle of anxiety and needed oxygen 🙂 when doing her scheduling, it seemed that your answer was along the same lines for both: feel the discomfort/anxiety/(fear, pain), and do it anyway. I guess this is where I’m getting a little lost. I’ve heard you say many times to not leave a job or a husband without loving them first. I had been taking this to mean that, in my life for example, quitting something hard/uncomfortable is not necessarily the answer to my problems as it seems, but that I should first do enough thought work around it until I enjoy it, and then stop or continue if I want to.
So why did you say it would not be worth her time to try to enjoy the games with her son? I understand that the thought “I should enjoy playing with my kids” might really just not be true, and lead to more guilt for then not enjoying it, and believe me I so get that! What I don’t get is how it fits into the model. Like if you really feel that you don’t want to do something, doesn’t that lead to not doing it?
To answer my own question,
Here is my guess…. I think what I’m interpreting from what you are saying is that it is about both: feeling the shitty feeling, and still motivating yourself somehow towards a positive, or at least less negative result.
I would really like your feedback on how I’ve been doing models a lot for myself. Sometimes the action stays the same, and sometimes the result even stays the same, but I add modifiers. Like “with stress” or “with love”.
For example, from call:
C baseball w/ 3 year old
T Not this again…
F boredom, discomfort
A play baseball
R don’t enjoy it WITH STRESS
vs.
C baseball
T this is so not fun but I’m gonna do it anyway for him.
F boredom, discomfort, acceptance
A play baseball
R don’t enjoy it, WITH LOVE
I think what I’m asking about is a subtle thing… it’s hard for me to put into words. It’s like, if your feeling motivates your action, and you want to get the best action/result from a better feeling, then it makes sense to try to improve the thoughts and feelings to be more positive FIRST. However, if you can’t, or do your best but still fall short, do you not do it? or do you do it anyway, from a place of acceptance of anxiety?
for example, the other caller:
C scheduling
T I can’t do this, I’m so confused
F overwhelmed, anxious
A Get up to get a drink and vacuum, procrastination
R don’t do it, with procrastination and more confusion
So if we can’t get rid of this thought, or can’t flip it to positive, or maybe we have an unidentifiable thought that leaves us in a state of background anxiety, it seems possible but shitty to go to forcing action change:
C scheduling
T I can’t do this, I’m so confused, but I have to
F overwhelmed, anxious, pressured
A Force through the anxiety and do it anyway
R Get scheduling done WITH STRESS
And maybe instead, it is possible and more advantageous to go to:
C scheduling anxiety
T This is hard and uncomfortable, but I can and will do it anyway.
F anxious, accepting, determined
A Let the anxiety be there and do it anyway
R get scheduling done, WITHOUT added stress/procrastination
Does this make sense? I’m really trying to understand how the feeling always motivates the action, and what should be let be versus “worked on”, what should be ignored versus felt, what should be let go versus forced.
Thanks so much for all you do!!
Anna
