I’m working on trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and take ownership of them. While I was at work today, my coworker was showing me some work. I’ve included my model below:
C- Bonnie says: I don’t stamp them, so I can give them back. But since you stamped them, we aren’t going to be able to send them back. Now I’ll have to change my email I send. You take care of this student’s transcript and I’ll clean up this.
T- She’s telling me what to do.
F- Controlled, annoyed
A – change my body language, become closed off, blame her for my feelings, zone out and not listen to her
R-??
What would my result be in this situation? I know it needs to be on me.
So I was at my desk and I reminded myself that I don’t have to feel controlled. I also reminded myself that I am creating the feeling of being controlled with my thoughts. It really did help.
Then I tried to find other thoughts I could have thought in that situation – She’s showing me what I can do for next time. She is showing me so we don’t make students jump through more hoops.
I also know I do this a lot with other people. When they show me something I may have not done “correctly,” I get defensive and feel like they are telling me what to do. I also get very annoyed because I feel like if I do what they want, then I’m letting them “win” so to speak. Are there additional questions I can ask to unpack this more to have a better understanding? Is it simply asking why? Thanks!