I was laid off a year ago. I didn’t feel like looking for a job. I needed a break. I thought that my unemployment would last a couple of months and then I would move on to something else. But it never happened. The longer I stayed home the less I wanted to work. I was getting very nervous every time I was asked about my job hunt or professional development, friends sending me job ads and offering career advice. It seemed like everyone was very uncomfortable with my unemployment. I loved staying home doing nothing (career wise): meditating, taking long walks, spending time with friends and family, cooking and baking, reading and journaling. It could have been the best time of my life, but it was poisoned with shame and guilt for being unemployed and not contributing to the society. I felt like I was being judged. And I judged myself. Still do.
After I joined Scholars last month I realized that I do want to work. But all that fear, shame, guilt, and judgement around unemployment situation prevents me from moving forward. I need somehow to make peace with my unemployment before I move on. Decide that it was ok to stay home. That there is no shame in unemployment. That I am worthy regardless of whether I am employed or not. I know that I am worthy but I don’t believe it. Please help.