I’d like some help with my thoughts about my dad doing things for my brother that he doesn’t do for me.
Here’s a potentially clean C:
C: My dad drove my brother all the way from his house. My dad did not drive me all the way from my house for the same event.
Here’s another C for a similar situation:
C: My dad said “I’ll drive you to [some mid-way point, not my house]” when I asked him to drive me home.
What I’m making it mean is / my Ts are:
T: My dad doesn’t love me as much as my brother (F: sad)
T: It’s unfair (F: frustrated)
I’ve processed a bit through these emotions already.
I can see that the first T (“My dad doesn’t love me as much”) is really a T. And I think that it’s possible he loves us both the same, even though he does different things for us.
But that second T is giving me a hard time. I try to reconcile the first T by saying something like: he loves us all the same, and he has his reasons for driving my brother and not me. But the unfairness of it is getting to me. I know the thought about it being unfair is a thought intellectually, but it feels embedded within the situation – the situation itself seems unfair to me.
Some more neutral thoughts I have are: he didn’t drive me all the way home (but he did drive me quite a bit of the way there). He may be acting lovingly towards me in ways I’m not seeing right now. It’s possible I haven’t let in all the love that I’m able to receive from him.
I’m not quite sure what would be helpful here. I think I’m pretty stuck in my unfairness T right now, so I’d appreciate some ways to look at the situation differently, to consider different options, to ask new coaching questions of myself, etc, basically to try to unravel this a bit more for myself.
Here’s what I want to think and feel: I want to be free to know my dad loves me. Free to know I can ask for what I want. Free to know that it’s possible my dad can give me what I ask for. Feelings I want: self-worthiness, openness, peace, ease.
Thanks a lot for your insight!