Here’s my unintentional model from earlier today.

C – Husband said some words
T – I need to protect us all from my disgust and anger about what he said – my feelings are dangerous
F – rage
A – I stifle and hide the rage, pretend to be fine – and secretly fume and seethe in fury. I take it out on myself.
R – I’m not protecting myself from my feelings – I’m trapping myself in my brain with them and allowing them to torment me.

If I have the same C line and I want something in the R line like ‘ Whatever he says, I feel calm and peaceful and fine’, what could the rest of the intentional model be? Does this make sense:

C – Husband said some words
T – I don’t want to torment myself with anger
F – Compassionate towards myself
A – Try to extend my desire to be compassionate to include him/set a boundary/take myself away from him?
R – Whatever he says, I feel calm and peaceful and fine.

This second model doesn’t feel quite right. The first one is very true and therefore helpful – but I have trouble believing the Intentional model’s R-line is possible. How can I stop thinking ‘He’s being unpleasant‘ on such occasions, and causing myself suffering ?