I need help with my model and the feeling Unlovable. I had uncovered that my unconscious reaction to feeling unlovable was causing me a lot of unwanted action and responses. I just realized that I still have those models running and that I had went unconscious on those again. I struggle with result of the model I created today.
C: Looking at ex boyfriends Facebook
T: My true self wasn’t good enough to stay loved
A: Spin in thoughts about what I did wrong. Ruminate in thoughts about my flaws. Compare myself to his new partner. Looks for ways it was my fault in my mind. Overthinking. Tell myself what needs to change. Fully blame myself for the failure of the relationship. Resist my emotions.
R: I find proof in my past relationships that I wasn’t good enough
I am not all that happy with the R Line.
The interesting thing is… I ended both of my past relationships. I have these models running in both of those relationships. I looked for ways they were upset at me or didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t believe I was loveable during the relationships. They both didn’t want the relationships to end, and I ended them.
I allowed the feeling of unloveable to ruin my relationships and eventually drive me out of them, and now I use those thoughts/feelings to beat myself up for leaving them.
I believe I am unloveable and that will never change. I feel that about myself… that I cannot love myself either.
This feeling is the reason I go on social media late at night to look at my exs. This is the second time it came up… I went unconscious again on it. I believe because I believe it to be so true. I don’t want to believe something different because I’m afraid I would give up all the things I’m doing that I think will help. That intimidates me.