Unprotected sex – why do I keep doing this?


Hi Brooke,

I feel a little ashamed saying this out loud but I’m struggling with it and I know I won’t be able to get help without actually asking for it, so here goes…

I am not on the pill and keep having unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I don’t know why. I don’t want kids and I certainly don’t want any diseases (he says he’s clean but you never really know) so I have no idea why I keep doing it. I am very adamant that I do not want to go on the pill or any kind of hormonal contraceptive – been there, done that and had lots of issues. So aside from the fertility awareness method and abstinence, my option is condoms. I have no issues with condoms, have lots in my bedside drawer, but when I get in the mood, I get careless. I can’t figure out why and I hate the after feeling of always being worried and scared and beating myself up.

I did some Thought Downloads on it and here is what I came up with:

Why do I keep having unprotected sex?
– because I want to
– because it turns both of us on
– because I want to do whatever I want without consequence

The third one feels most accurate to me (and albeit, a little scary) but when I try to do a Model on it, it doesn’t make sense.

C: unprotected sex
T: I want to do whatever I want without consequence
F: carefree, liberated, careless
A: have unprotected sex
R: worried I’m going to get pregnant or get an STD

That doesn’t seem right. And I feel like because I can’t figure out why this keeps happening, I’m not going to be able to STOP it from happening. Can you help me figure out where I’m going wrong and perhaps some better thoughts to think the next time I’m in a similar situation where I would normally be feeling like doing what I know is causing a lot of suffering to me?

Thanks so so much <3