Unsupervised brain

C- Being a Mum
T- I have to spend all my time with my kids
F- guilty
A- Ruminating – I go to work and feel guilty (I don’t have to work, we can live on one income, but the second income is for retirement savings). I go to have coffee with my friends (which is rare) and I feel guilty. I go to have dinner with my husband (which is also very rare) and I feel guilty. I go running and I feel guilty
R- I am depressed. There is no way I can live up to my own “standard” of spending all my time with the kids.

Then I am using my belief as a manual
C- Husband watching TV
T- I think you have to spend all your time with the kids
F- annoyed
A- Ruminating, fuming in my head “how dare you have some me time and ignore the kids”, sometimes saying in an annoyed tone “can you play with the kids while I’m cooking”
R- I am feeling resentful towards my husband

Then there is another layer
C- looking after kids
T- I am the best person to look after the kids
F- judgmental
A- When there is a nappy rash – I am fuming in my head “my husband cannot clean the poo correctly” or Fuming that “my mum is too soft on the kids, they watch ipad for 4 hours when I try to enforce 30mins ipad time”
R- I have strained relationship with my husband and Mum (mum lives next door and looks after kids when we work)

Then there is another layer that I don’t even know yet how to put into the model. I have a belief that I am a terrible Mum but I am the best person to look after the kids so my husband and Mum are even more terrible carers???? What???!!!

I am shocked to realise I have those belief systems. (No wonder my life feels terrible. My thoughts are terrible.) Now I have work to start working out intentional models for each of them.