I have a goal of creating 100k a year. I am a musician. I have had several fails but when I added up my income for last month I had made 12k. (Going to the modelthon and choosing one goal really helped!) Before scholars I made 3-5k a month. I now believe it’s possible for me to achieve my goal – although I still don’t know how it’s going to happen that I can make that much each month. Anyway, I have created an online course for musicians to overcome stage fright. The whole process has been like dragging a dead body behind me– I’ve had to overcome watching myself on camera, stopping and starting over, doubting, etc. Now the course is done and it’s ready to go. I am about to introduce it to my email list. The email I wrote exposes how 20 years ago I failed out of music school 2 times due to performance anxiety and not being able to pass my jury exam. I have always hidden this from people as it’s been a deep source of shame. I always told myself that I was a subpar musician…. until after I created the course it dawned on me that the reason I failed at age 19 was because I was shaking and having an out of body experience on stage. I am so afraid that telling people I failed will lead them to think I am a subpar musician. Many of the musicians in town will get this email and I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid people who come to my concerts will stop coming because I will no longer be perceived as an accomplished musician. All of this is bullshit, I know. I know it’s my primitive brain. But I am also thinking “why expose myself” for my first online course (which may or may not be successful— who knows! I’ve never done this before and have had coaching on taking the pressure off this to do well.). Also, now that another aspect of my business is flowing, why release this course at all? In shining a light on the shame it would help me get over it. And yet, I don’t want the course to be about me and my healing. I want it to be about the people I help. So this is all drama. Please help me to press the “send” button with better thinking and energy around this. I’m getting sick of myself not releasing my course. Thanks in advance for your help!
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