Unwanted thought in download

I didn’t realize I was feeling so negatively towards my children. At one point in my download, I actually thought, “I hate my kids”. I also wrote down that being a parent made me feel trapped. I’m distressed by these thoughts, but I also notice I’m judging them as wrong thoughts to have. I judged them so much I hesitated to even go here on Ask Brooke because I have a manual for “good mothers”. And good mothers never hate their kids or feel trapped. Here’s my models. I tried the bridge thought, “I have kids” but I still felt stressed.

C: kids
T: I hate my kids
F: sad.
A: withdraw from kids
R: hate self

T: I have kids
F: stressed, worried
A: cry over model and go seek help on ask Brooke
R: find a better thought?

I know the second model isn’t done correctly, but it’s what happened

I want to love my kids, be happy to have kids and feel like I can do all that I want as a mom, including maybe leave them with my husband sometimes and go away for a few days to get some quiet. I often think how lucky I am to be a mom, but I think there’s probably a lot of sub thoughts about how motherhood limits me and that’s causing the frustration. I also have a thought that if I think for even a moment that I don’t like or want my kids, that the universe will take them away from me, so I must vigilantly never think that. I know that is not serving me at all, and that needs to go too.

I think the thought I want to get to is something like, “I have limitless opportunities as a mom” or “motherhood is amazing and enhances my life” or “there is always enough time and space for me to show up for myself as well as my children”.

Do I need to practice these thoughts? I’m having trouble finding bridge thoughts between the two extremes, desired model…

C: kids
F: amazing, limitless
R: enjoy my life and raising my kids