Upgrading My Money Mindset

This is something that keeps coming up for me. I hate letting go of money. There are times when I do let it go and buy something for myself, but then I quickly begin to distrust my ability to know when to stop spending.

I don’t trust myself with money. I criticize my past decisions and attitudes toward money. I tell myself that I have more money now and I obsess about saving it. But it’s like I’m in a controlling possessive relationship with it, with me as the controlling one. I don’t want to let it go because I don’t believe it will come back to me.

Here is a model that I’m working on:

C: X amount of money in my checking, savings, and retirement accounts
T: There are people with so much more money than I have
F: Scarcity
A: Don’t spend money on non-essentials, put off buying work clothes, put items into my online shopping cart but don’t buy anything, tell my 401k balance that it’s too low, save money for no particular purpose or reason, feel uncomfortable letting go of money to buy something, come up with umpteen reasons why it’s better not to make a purchase, chastise my past self for not saving enough money, ignore my own needs, feel afraid that I can’t leave my current job because I haven’t saved enough
R: Have a toxic relationship with money

I would like to move toward this model, but having trouble coming up with the thought and actions since every time I look at this model, I can’t find a believable thought that helps me to feel secure with money.

C: X amount of money in my checking, savings, and retirement accounts
F: Secure
A: Spend money on myself without worrying about spending all I have, save some money, ???
R: Have a healthy relationship with money