I have found myself doing some self-sabotaging when things are going well. In my mind, I’m still looking for proof that I’m not worthy and it’s like I’m creating problems to prove that this is true. It used to be overeating and over drinking that I did to self sabotage, but now I’m finding myself staying up way too late (and then getting sick) or procrastinating which set me up for failure. I feel like I’ve finally figured out why I procrastinate because it hasn’t been clear to me before this. My underlying thought I’ve found is, “It’s not a big deal” which seems totally innocent, but behind that, my thought is really “I’ll never be good enough anyway” or “I don’t deserve to be doing this well.”

C: Task that needs finished at work
T: Oh, I can do that later. It’s really not a big deal.
F: Indifference
A: Doing something that is less priority
R: I am late completing the task or have to complete the task so quickly that it’s not quality.

As I’ve noticed the “it’s not a big deal” thought come up, I’ve been thinking the thought, “Oh this my upper limit problem” and doing whatever it is that I’m resisting doing anyway. With working through these upper limit problems, this seems to be a good start. Using the model to solve this, would I try putting in “deserving” and “worthy” in and finding thoughts that create those?