I’m really fascinated by this awareness around urges… and was wondering if there can be an ‘urge’ to sleep, even though it feels like a physical sensation?
I’m looking at a pattern these days – of not following through. I plan for something and then I don’t follow through that.. basically, I’ve realized that I set overly-ambitious goals and then I end up not meeting them. And then I use that as an excuse to feel bad about myself & to make myself wrong and miserable. And then I tell myself i’m falling behind and spend more time & energy fretting over that. And then of course I fall further ‘behind’. So I’m realizing that I’m wasting a lot of time and energy in that loop.
And there are two main ways in which I buffer: either by trying to rush up… or I get sleepy. Like literally, I get SO SLEEPY. And often almost knockout to sleep. But the thing is that it’s not helping me… and I’m wondering:
1. Is sleeping an urge? And if so, how do I deal with this urge? Cuz like i said, I often knockout to sleep. If it is an urge, how can I not-feel-sleepy and be present with the urge?
2. What do you suggest I do with this not-following-through… I would like to build up integrity with myself. Right now I don’t trust myself to do what I decide to. 🙁
Thanks in advance!!!