Useful Thoughts

So, I get that none of our thoughts are objectively “true.”
They are just thoughts; we choose to believe are true, and then we create our reality as a result.

Part of me loves this.
My thought is, “Damn, I love that my thoughts aren’t true; they’re certainly making me miserable, and if I don’t have to listen to that nonsense – what a relief.” As a result, I feel relieved.

Then I’ll feel good for like, 45 seconds until another thought comes up.

“If you just go around feeling relieved all the time, you’re never going to repair the relationship with your mother.”
“If you just go around feeling good, you’re never going to reunite with your family and will be lonely forever.”

And then, I choose to believe those thoughts, and all sense of relief is gone.

It’s hard for me to disregard these thoughts because it feels like I should repair my mother’s relationship, and I want to reunite with my family. And I do think that if I feel good, we will continue to drift apart forever. That feels heartbreaking.

Then panic comes into play to protect me from the heartbreak, cued but the thought “well then get up and fix it, now!”.

These thoughts cause me so much suffering. They beat me up so badly, and I’m so exhausted from believing them. But I’m afraid that if I don’t listen to them, that I’ll be all alone in this world, it will be my fault, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself.

Can you help me untangle this?